I'm a big fan of human behaviour. I'm constantly studying myself and those around me. There are volumes in body language, be you the author or reader. There's much to be said about the art of writing your body language—purposeful use of physical subtleties—to reveal, hide, or even disguise your thoughts when interacting with someone. Some people have a good poker face, others don't. Some think they do, but in fact don't. But it's not all poker*I think I'd like to play some poker sometime...I wonder how good I'd be. Giving somebody the impression you're interested in what they're talking about when you aren't or vice versa. Is that smile paper or plastic? But I digress. The point is that I pay a lot of attention to human behavior. This story is about my recent observations of my own behavior.

I quit!...sorta

Old news, but I quit my job for a new one across town. I had some time-off to burn, so I took my last week off. I've been working on my blog design (and a bit on Heidi's site), and that's pretty much it. I've had a great time doing it and all, but the weird thing is that my mind never really wandered to distraction. I mean, I just quit my job for crying out loud, and I'm starting a new one in three days that I feel ill prepared for. Nonetheless, I'm working on my blog and simply not concerning myself with all that drama. I'm just not feeling it, almost as if I never had a job, and in fact wasn't starting a new one on Monday. As if what I have been doing for the last week is what I have always done.

Paring down my mental scope

Today I had to go into work for my exit interview and to receive my final check. It just felt like another day going to a place where there were people I knew. The dress code there is mostly casual, but today I wore flip-flops and a teeshirt, which are against policy, as if it wasn't at all unusual. I can understand wearing what you want on your last day, but I didn't even think about it. It wasn't a subtle defiance, I was just getting dressed and that's what I decided on. I went in, had my exit interview and went to my farewell lunch with a group of my coworkers. Just another lunch. Came back, cleared off my desk as if I were moving my stuff to a new cubicle, saved off some personal data, cleared off some accounts etc. No trepidation, no nervous tension, no nothing. Just doing this, then doing that. No thought beyond the moment. I went to a final checklist interview with my boss's boss*My boss left on vacation two days after my two week notice then went around saying goodbye to everybody, shaking hands, offering my leavings to the scavengers, etc.

I don't need to worry about what's going to happen next, I'm directing this picture show

All the while, I feel like I'm in a dream state. I don't need to worry about what's going to happen next, I'm directing this picture show. I'll just make something interesting happen (or not). Or like I'm a kid again, when my world spanned as far as my cul de sac. On Monday, I'll drive to the other end of town, walk into a new building and start working with entirely new people in an entirely new environment. But right now, it feels like today I walked through this door, and tomorrow I'll walk through a different one. But on the opposite side of either door will be the same thing: me.